Most Likely To... Fall Head Over Heels (Part 4)

... I didn't think it was ever possible to find someone who could measure up to Leigh's standards. Until I met Ash. He passed all those 'tests' in flying colors. And I fell for him hard. Like oh-my-god-I-can't-breathe hard. The only thing was, did he feel the same way too about me?

From Most Likely To... Have Friends in High Places (Part3)

This is part 4 of a series of posts titled Most Likely To..., which are--basically--my life story.  If you'd like, you can read:

• Most Likely To... (part 1) here,
• Most Likely To... Marry a Rich Guy (part 2) here,
• Most Likely To... Have Friends in High Places (part 3) here.

In my post A Detour to One Memory Lane, I wrote of meeting a boy named Ash for the first time.  I remembered coming home that night, my mind struggling like an unwilling captive although my heart had obviously gone to be with this person, whom I didn’t even know existed until that night.  Suddenly, he was my whole world. I wanted longed to be with him again, to know everything there was to know about him.

In my head, I dissected the scenes from earlier that night over and over, each time cursing myself for both the things I did and didn’t do.  I wondered if he was thinking of me, or if he thought about me at all.  I thought of his smile, of him asking me to dance, of him not talking to me again for the rest of the night, of feeling his gaze and his very existence from across the room... 

I was enchanted.

I was also in hell, because as much as I wanted to see him again, I was too embarrassed to admit to Leigh of my new-found love.  How could I be in love?  It’s probably just an infatuation.  Nobody fell in love after only meeting once!

A few days later, Leigh and I were at a driving range hitting some golf balls when her mobile rang.  It was Ash.  He asked if we’d like to join him, his brother, and the usual gang later that night.  Leigh was ecstatic, because it meant she got to see Ash’s brother again.  As for me, I was beyond elated!  I was going to see Ash again... this boy, who had occupied all of my heart (and most of my brain since I could hardly think of anything else) ever since he asked me to dance a few days earlier.

Leigh and I were the last to arrive at the meeting place.  I literally had to keep biting my lips to keep myself from blurting stupid things like, "I love you, Ash.  Will you be mine??"  Right away I knew where he stood in that room.  I could've spotted him from a mile a way, in a sea of a thousand other faces.  I felt a smile escaping from my lips when he finally saw me.

And then I saw his hand.  It was holding someone else's hand.

I wanted to hate her, but damn it, she was so nice.  Truly, sincerely nice.  And it wasn’t her fault I fell in love with her boyfriend.  Still, it felt like somebody ripped my ribcage open, threw my heart on the floor, then stomped it to pieces. 

I couldn't believe Ash had a girlfriend.

What hurt the most, was that I actually got to talk to Ash that night.  Really talked. About little inconsequential things to our childhood wishes and dreams.  We sat next to each other on the bar while everybody else were on the dance floor.  The loud music meant we had to whisper in each others’ ears so that the other could hear.  

Being that close to him took my breath away.  I noticed how his eyes crinkled at the ends whenever he laughed... How his voice--still one of the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard even today--sounded like in my ear when he leaned his face to only an inch away from mine... How he wrap a napkin around the bottom of my drink before passing it to me... How I caught him looking at me and then looked away as soon as our eyes met...

And so I fell even deeper.  Even though I didn’t want to.  I couldn’t help it.  I wanted that voice, that laughter, that person who listened and told me stories as we sat there just the two of us on that bar.  I wanted him.  I didn’t want that night to ever end. 

But it did.  We were still talking, oblivious to the world around us, when Ash's girlfriend suddenly came into view.  I had forgotten about her, and now she’s back from the dance floor, reminding me all over again that I was intruding on someone else’s territory.

We all went home shortly afterwards; most of the guys were already trashed and the girls were complaining that their feet were starting to hurt from all the dancing on killer heels.  I could see that Leigh was in her happy place: sober enough to behave, but not likely to notice my absence from the dance floor earlier.

Good, I wasn’t in the mood to explain anyways.

Leigh’s chaffeur came to pick us up near the entrance, so we said goodbye to the rest of the group.  Just as I was about to climb into Leigh’s car, I saw that Ash turned his head around and looked in my direction.  My heart did a little flip, but the sight of his girlfriend walking alongside him, holding his right-hand, blew me back to reality.  I quickly averted my eyes and went inside the car.

I told myself I wasn’t going to see him again.  Seeing him would only hurt me more because I knew I would fall deeper in love the more I knew him.  Then obviously, I would be in deep trouble, wouldn't I?  I mean, could this 'love' be any more one-sided?!?  Ash had a girlfriend for f*uck sake, and I didn’t see him dumping her anytime soon.  Especially for someone like me.

I cried when I got home that night.  I cried for days after that.  I kept telling myself that I was a dumb ass, apparently of the highest caliber, because why cry for someone whom I had only met twice, talked for a total of... three hours at most, and had, um, (hellooo???) a girlfriend!!!  

Leigh asked me to go hang out with Ash and his brother again a few more times after that night.  I always came up with some excuse not to go.  She started to give me these funny looks, but I didn't care.  My heart was broken.  I felt broken.

Then, three weeks later, I got a phone call.

It was Ash.

(to be continued)