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Monday, April 4, 2011

The Lament of a Newbie Blogger

Forget about my husband's face being the first thing I see in the morning or the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night.  Instead, my new blog has recently been my pride and joy, to whom I say my first good morning and last good night to.

When I woke up this morning, with my morning breath and eye crusts still intact, I quickly hopped to my computer.  As I waited for my computer to spur to life, my mind was already mentally picking petals off one big imaginary daisy.     

They like me.  They like me not.
They like me.  They like me not...
Of course they like me... 
No they do not.
Yes they do, dammit!
... Not.
And on and on it went.

I typed in my blog's address.  My sight already zooming in on the followers bar. 


It was also 23 followers three days ago.

Sensing the anal retentive side of me coming, my alter-ego quickly came to my defense:  "At least the number stays the same.  Could've been a lot worse, y'know."  I smiled, appeased by the thought. 

Not for long.
This time, it's my OCD side checking in:  "Go on, look at the page views.  Maybe some more people read your blog.  They just didn't know how to click on the follow button."  I admit that was a bit too desperate.  I mean, how hard can it be to place a finger and click?  But hey, can't really blame the OCD side for trying.

It was 577 last time I checked.
9 hours ago.

Uh oh. My namaste moment ended right there. 
Holy Hucking Fell, does this means absolutely no one read my blog during those nine hours?  As in like, NOT A SINGLE PERSON in this Whole Wide World dot com???  Was the internet globally down last night?  Maybe Blogger took its system down for maintenance purposes?  Is it a lack of exposure?  Could it be I'm not in any of the blog hops and so the many blogs conspired to boot me out?  Did I offend anyone?  Maybe it's time I start begging?  Retweet more?  Ask my husband to make it mandatory for his staff to follow my blog?  Post a naked pic of some male model and pretend I'm him?  That might work with the mommy bloggers, wouldn't it?  Am I pathetic?  Yes I am pathetic.  Oh God, that must be it! I AM pathetic and nobody likes me.  My blog sucks and I should just end my stint as a blogger right now.
Note to friends: does this look like someone who'd appreciate another Don't Sweat book this year? I think not.  

"Mommy?  Are you awake?" came a little voice through the slightly opened door.

"Yes, sweetheart. Come in and give Mommy a big good morning hug," I replied.

"Good morning!" said my daughter as she threw her small arms around my waist. "I love you, Mommy."  

I squeezed her tight and kissed the top of her hair.  Here, in my arms, I've found my little follower--the only one that mattered most.

Suddenly those numbers on the screen ceased to be of consequence.  I logged off, turned off my computer, and gave my little girl my 100% attention.


  1. I totally understand!! now you have 27 followers!! I thought your post was fabulous! Looking forward to more.

  2. LOL! I can bo OCD too at times. No one really follows my blog, but the fact that I can put my stories out there that makes me feel better :) But in your case I am sure the blogosphere was down or there was world-wide a blog-stoppage for the night :)

  3. Thanks, Michelle, for being #27. My lil one is in school at the moment, so naturally, I'm back to checking the numbers on my blog (sigh). Alas, it's 27! Yayyyy!!! Thanks for making my day!

    Cabubsmom, aww, thanks for your misplaced confidence in me (but you know that I'm secretly loving every single word of it-lol). You're right though, sometimes just putting our stories in words out there is therapeutic enough. Oh, and btw, I'm following your blog ;)

  4. lol, omg...i do the SAME THING!!! i'm pathetic. it's a disease and i'm considering therapy. dammit, if i'm not the BEST, then i'm just not satisfied!....wanna plot to take over the whole gosh damn blog world with me??? if we don't get one does!! MUWAH HA HA HA!!!!!! just kidding! kind of...

    ps. you have SEVEN more followers than i do...not that i am counting. bi*ch.

    just kidding! love ya! thanks for the post!


  5. Hahaha, I do the exact same thing.

    Hilarious blog, you've got yet another follower!

  6. Can totally relate. I've stepped back my blogging obsession when I realised I was evaluating my self-worth based on the number of my page views and blog followers...

    A new follower here though for you xx00000000

  7. O h dear!! My son managed to type those hugs and kisses :-S

  8. You are SO not alone in doing that! I check my blog every day, thinking "I wonder if anyone commented. Did someone comment on my blog? What did people think about X, Y and Z?" And then I'll check everything that it's possible to check before wanting to call my husband and cry, "Nobody LIKES me."

    But about then is when my oldest is yelling that my youngest is scribbling on the walls and he "forgot" to take the crayon from him, so I need to get up and rescue my walls before it gets so bad I'll never see my security deposit again. And I forget about it until the next time I sit in front of the computer. :)

    But you're right. Everything shrinks in comparison to a child's hug.

  9. Tenetia: Ha! I beat you, Biatch! LOL Just kiddin'!
    I'm definitely interested in a plot to take over the whole blog world. In fact, let's call it "Fatal Blogging"-- if we dun get followers, no one else can. Should we start posting about what we can do to the bunny ala Glenn Close (I hope you know what I'm talking about, or I'd die of embarrassment of having revealed my old age. Please tell me you've watched Fatal Attraction).

    Thanks, Heather and My Mummy Daze! I'm basking in the glorious ray of newfound self-worth right now because of you. You've made my day!! Give your son a big hug from me, will ya? Oh, and can you ask him if he wants to be a follower too? I can always use one more ;))

    Amber, I'm starting to feel that perhaps we should send our hubbies to therapy for their next birthdays... having to deal with their loony wives and their blogging obsession at the moment. What do you think? LOL

  10. bahahahaha!!!!!!

    rabbit soup, anyone?

  11. I surely don't miss those days of being a new blogger! I did the same thing, you aren't alone! I'm cool and I already follow you :)Your little girl is your most important follower. I love it!

  12. I"m even newer than you. And I have er, 2 followers. Nevertheless, that hasn't discouraged me from world dominance.

    You have one more follower!

  13. Yes, you're cool and I'm so jealous!!! LOL
    Thanks for following me back, Jennifer :)

    Alison, welcome to the bloggy world! From one newbie to another :) Been too busy to plot world dominance, but will get back to it as soon as I can.

  14. Remember that stuff I wrote about being a newbie blogger -- how it doesn't matter if you're a good writer (well, that matters, obviously), just a good friend? Whether people like you or not is totally based on who actually SEES you. And that's just about working it. As far as I can tell, you're kicking ass. Doing a way better job than I've ever done. Just remember the other part -- don't burn yourself out!

    And I obsess over the numbers, too. Everybody does. It's human nature. Hell, I'm obsessing over the numbers for your post at World's Worst Moms, so that means I'm actually obsessing for two people. Nice.

  15. I am the same way! It can get really bad! Love your blog!


  16. I have finally let go of my blog stats, but honestly it wasn't by choice- my husband started working out of town and I don't have as much time for blogging/networking anymore. It's maddening though! I have been blogging about 10 months, and other people who have been blogging for less time have waaaay more followers than me. It's ok though. We need to just look in the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!"

  17. Partly Sunny: thanks for the reminder, Tammy, and thanks for obsessing for the two of us over at World's Worst Mom :) Good to know someone cares enough. LOL. Definitely must watch out for those burn-outs you mentioned!

    Ginger: glad you like the blog and thanks for the kind words!

    Not Blessed Mama: need to print that out and post it on my computer screen!

  18. Wow, you summed up exactly how I feel since I started my blog too! Glad I'm not alone. It's like I'm in junior high trying to be popular with a designer blog!

  19. I love your blog look. And your writing, I posted on Mommy Blogger and thought it would end up here. weid. Yep, newbie alert.


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