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Monday, August 8, 2011

A Curious Case of Nutty Sweaty

Guess what I've been thinking about since the whole divorce drama began a few months ago? 

I've been thinking I would like to have another child.
WHAT the F*CK is wrong with you, Sweaty?!?  Hmm... No idea.  

Your husband is on the verge of divorcing you, and you want to go make babies with him???  Uh huh.

And you couldn't have picked a better time, say, a few years ago, instead of now, when your only child is nearly seven years old?  Um, yeah.

It's truly a wonder the things my genius mind came up with during time of duress.

Could it be a subconscious reaction to possibly losing my husband for good, such as those women who got pregnant in the hope of preventing their partners from leaving?  

Yikes, I hope not!  Because that would be so lame, not to mention stupid, even for me!!  But then again I could be in denial, so lets not leave out that possibility, however small it may be.  My husband mentioning divorce was certainly what precipitated this fierce desire to have another child, though.  For sure. 

Oh I've always known that neither my husband nor I were getting any younger.  I knew my daughter was getting close to seven years old this year.  I knew that most of my friends were already done having kids, and those who weren't, were working on their fourth/fifth kid, not their second!  

However, whereas these facts were just floating at the back of my head before, without any sense of urgency, like those "pending until further notice" signs, the whole divorce thing brought some measure of finality--a time limit--to my ideas/plans of having another child.

When my husband said he's lost feelings for me and wanted to end our marriage, it was like a big, loud "Ding Dong" had reverberated through my eardrums (and apparently my biological clock).  Suddenly, I was really, really aware that: 
  • OMG, I'm never gonna have another child who has the same father as my daughter.  My daughter would never have a sibling who comes from the same parents.
  • Whatdayaknow, after years of "Mommy, I want a little sister," and exhibiting the amazing ability to share, my daughter has just started showing signs of "the only-child syndrome."  It's now "Me, me, me, or I'll bite your fingers off if you ask me one more time to share."
  • If either one of us remarries and have more children, wouldn't it be better if my daughter has a sibling so that she doesn't feel singled-out or different?
  • If something were to happen to me, and my daughter has to come live with her father and his new wife, she would fare better having a sibling because together they have a better chance of winning the fight against the evil stepmother (did I just hear you say I watched too many Disney movies?)
  • Yes, they used to want to gouge each other's eyes when they were small, but now that they're all grown up, my three nephews (my sister-in-law's three sons) are really close and very supportive of each other.  I wished my daughter could have the same thing.
  • I'm an only-child, and I hate it.  
Believe me, I amaze myself for thinking about this now, out of all times.  But it's been weighing heavily in my mind, and I thought I'd share it with all of you here.   And if this is not a case unlike that of the Curious Case of Benjamin Button (you know, that Brad Pitt movie) I don't know what is, because 1) I'm kinda doing things backward, and 2) (duh) obviously neither my husband nor I am exactly brimming with lust at the moment.  

I must say I'm tempted to bring the subject up even if it's just to see Mr. LA's reaction.  I bet it would be a hoot!  I could just imagine the look of horror and the thought "has she gone out of her f*cking mind?!?" flashing like neon signs on his forehead.  Maybe I should do it presentation style, complete with Powerpoint and background music?  

Oh and honey, we could always try in vitro?  

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