Thirsty Thursday Blog Hop 5/12

Thirsty Thursday Blog Hop 

This blog hop is hosted by Obviously MARvelous & Smookie Style

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1. Follow your 2 hostesses: Obviously MArvelous and Smookie Style
2. Link up your blog on the Linky Below
3. Copy and paste the Thirsty Thursday button in a blog post or on your sidebar
4. Click other links on the Linky and follow some new friends

Go to their sites to enter your link!

What the *toot* am I doing, blogging?

I've got like 15 minutes before my flight to New York city, and guess what I'm doing?  Yep, I blog!  And that's after finding out at the last minute that I read my ticket wrongly... what I thought was departure at 5:50am turned out to be 5:50pm.  Smart, I know.  So you can imagine all the rough and tumble packing I did when I realized I only got about 3 hours before I had to leave to the airport.  You see, I'm going on a month-long trip to NYC, then Paris, then Cannes, and then back to Paris.  Not easy for an OCD like me... just the thought of packing was already enough to make me sort of $#!^ in my pants.

Anyhoo, gotta run to the gate now.  Will be back when I reach NYC.  My only hope at the moment is to have an eye-candy of a man sitting next to me.  That has never happened by the way.  Dear God, there's always a first time, right?

Dear Mom, You're right. (Again).

My mom is a beautiful woman.  She's what you would call a classic beauty.  Very poised, very elegant, very regal.  She also happened to be brainy--she's a medical doctor, with a master's degree in Public Administration, and a PhD in Public Health.    

My mom was not the motherly mom type though.  She was a workaholic, so she was rarely home.  I learned to fend for myself since an early age, and since we never really spent that much time together, there weren't too many occasions for her to pass on much motherly advice. 

However, among what little she did tell me, there was one that I remembered clearly.  My mom used to tell me: thank God for unanswered prayers.

Of course when I first heard it, I didn't understand what she meant.  I thought to myself, uh oh, what had my mother been smoking lately?!?  Why would I want to thank God for not answering my prayers?  Thanks, but no thanks.  God knows I could use a little help here.  I mean, if only He'd answer just half of my prayers, my life would have been sooo much easier--at least that was what I thought. 

Well, ever heard of that saying "mother knows best?"  Holy cow, turned out she's right after all.  Years had gone by since the first time my mom had told me that, and many, many times, I discovered that what she said was true.  Here's one example.

When I was 16 years old, there was this boy (let's call him Ruff*) that I had a crush on for the longest time.  I was head over heels for Ruff: I worshiped the ground he walked on, I waited patiently by the house phone for his calls (no mobiles at the time, folks), I would rush to meet him at a moment's notice.  Basically I was doing everything that the book "He's Not that Into You" would've advised you NOT to do.  Hey, who could blame me, he was my first "real" (not) love.

To say that it was a case of unrequited love would not exactly be the right description either, because you see, Ruff clearly was enjoying all the attention I bestowed upon him.  Every time we met, I swear I could spontaneously combust.  Whenever we were together, we were on fire; we definitely had a "thing," even if we were dating other people at the time.  He was my one and only, the only person I wanted to say "I love you" to.  (Dear ex-boyfriends, if any of you happened to read this, I'm sorry I lied when I told you I loved you, okay?).

And of course, I prayed.  I prayed and prayed to God that one day, Ruff and I would wake up, realized that we couldn't live without each other, and finally confessed our love for one another.  Days became weeks, weeks became months, and months became years.  6 years to be exact!

Today, Ruff and I ended up living in the same city.  We are both married with kids.  I'm used to seeing him from time to time, although most of them was in passing or by chance only.  However, a few months ago, we happened to attend a funeral of a mutual acquaintance.  For the first time in years, I had a good look at him--this boy that I was so in love with for 6 friggin' years!  I was sitting opposite from where he was sitting, and my husband happened to be having a chat with him.

Shazam!  It was almost as if my mother was there, telling me, "thank God for unanswered prayers."  Because in all honestly, that's how I felt.  "Thank you, God, for not answering my prayers!"  As I looked on, first at him, and then at my husband, I couldn't have been more glad at how things turned out.  I mean, the man had these weird tiny facial hairs all over his face!  Not to mention the premature balding from the looks of his deeply receding hairline.  And since when did he develop this "tic" anyways?  The kind that made him looked like he got something in his eyes, causing him to blink like, 78 times in one second? 

Oh and on top of that, did he really shrink in size or was it just the lighting?  I used to think he was much taller... and bigger and manlier...  Ugh, if he did shrink in size, one could only imagine what happened to the size of his you-know-what.  Which wasn't THAT impressive to begin with, if I remembered correctly.

So here's a toast to you, Mom, for being right, once again.  Indeed, thank God for all my unanswered prayers.  You never did like Ruff anyway. 

Happy Mother's Day.

Love, your daughter.

*Name had been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.  And to protect him from further embarrassment.

 

Mission Impossible: "Doomsday Report"

My mind has been completely blank the past few days.  For reasons I prefer not to disclose (believe me, you don't want to know, anyway), it's been a really tough week for me.  I don't know if you notice, but I'm certainly in a mellow mood.  The kind of mood that makes people stay away and look at you suspiciously.

Never a multi-tasker, I'm never good at functioning under duress.  My mind tend to zoom in on the impending doom and just refuse to think of anything else.  With the exception of eating (bummer, I wish I'm one of those people who "forgets" to eat or lose their appetite when stressed), it's like my mind is systematically shutting down its function one by one: can't think, can't plan, can't concentrate, can't keep up appearances, can't write, can't blog,...

I've attempted to write a post a few days ago and failed miserably.  My heart's just not in it.  In fact, at the moment my heart is wandering in some infinite space, un-anchored and lost.  I'm not good at uncertainties, but then again, which neurotic, OCD, slightly paranoid lady would be good at that, huh?  It's a constant struggle in there somewhere... hey, snap out of it!; (pause to take Lord Xanax); wait, wait, wait, you can't just ignore it?!?; f#@k this, I ain't no need of this $#!^!; (pause to take Monsieur Zoloft); but you're basically screwed man!; who the heck cares??!?; (hmm, maybe I need that extra half pill today); am so exhausted yet I can't sleep; (uh huh, time for that date with Mr. Seroquel); and on and on....

I know I'm royally f#@ked when I couldn't even bother to shop.  And I watched Water for Elephants yesterday at the cinema.  Alone.

It really doesn't take Einstein to notice, really.  I don't normally think in terms of expletives, but lately, my mental vocabulary have consisted of nothing but.  If you have some creative ones, you're welcomed to add.  I'm obviously in need of some clever new ones.  Just look at this piece of writing here... grade A, no doubt.

Stay tuned and let's hope I find the off button to the self-destruct mode I'm presently in.

Good evening, Miss Sweat.  This tape will self-destruct in...

If My Love Could Hold You

I wish I could be yours forever.
I wish I could turn back time and do things differently
I wish I was stronger
I wish I treasured every moment
I wish I'd committed to memory the last time we kissed
I wish I could love you the way you want me to
I wish my love could hold you.


To my love,

Happy Birthday.


"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

Hop a Little Tuesday (Week 8)

Hop A Little Tuesday [Week 7]

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Hosted by: Little Boys are Made of Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails and Love You Always and Forever.

How To Lose a Husband and Alienate Your In-Laws Part 2

Continuing from Part 1

*This is a work of fiction, and all names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.  Please do not do this at home.  Unless you're absolutely sure you want to get rid of your husband (and your in-laws).  In that case, you should then follow these instructions verbatim.  Viewer's discretion is advised.*

Previously, on How to Lose a Husband and Alienate Your In-Laws Part 1, I shared with you a set of lethal moves guaranteed to send Retarded Fox of Questionable Morals (aka the main villain, aka your husband) into exile.

However, do not let your guard down.  It is likely that you will encounter resistance from his sidekicks during or even after you get rid of the main villain.  Part 2 of How to Lose a Husband and Alienate Your In-Laws specifically deals with problematic cronies.  

Usually, sidekicks can be categorized into these four different types: 

• Two-Eyed Shadowless Tyrant (aka Yo Mama), 
• Radioactive Whiskeyjack (aka Yo Papa), 
• Warp Witch Downsizer (aka Yo Sista), and 
• Brain Freeze Headbanger (aka Yo Bro).

This time, to keep the element of surprise, you need to awaken the Superhero in you!   So put on your cape and that sexy thong, and activate the following Superhero Powers:

1) Sound Manipulation and Audiopathy (The ability to telepathically control people's sense of hearing).

Recommended Usage: Practice talking using your best "sex-phone" voice.  Believe me, it's a useful skill to have anyway.  If for some reason, you have no clue as to what I'm talking about, click on the play button below. 

(Link) View more Woman Sound Clips and Sexy Sound Clips

Now, every time your in-laws call, use that voice to tell them they got the wrong number and had dialed a sex phone line instead.  Use your imagination. The sky's the limit.

2) Trichokinesis + Fear Inducement (The power in which one can manipulate their own hair + the power to evoke extreme fear and horror in others).

Recommended Usage: Don't you hate it when you found suspicious-looking hair in your food?  Get the idea?  You don't even need the real nasty thing.  Just collect some from your hairbrush and cut to shorter lengths. Sprinkle them on top of the appetizer, main course, and dessert whenever you invite your in-laws for dinner.  If the hair happens to be curly, even better!

3) Superhuman Spit Detonation and Bolt Breath (The power to alienate anything with spit or your breath)

Recommended Usage: While in a conversation, scoot really close and "accidentally" spit on them. Or talk while your mouth is full so that it sprays all over them.  Repeat as many times as possible. For extra-strength booster, consume garlic, doritos, or goat cheese beforehand.

4) Dimentional Storage/Memory Manipulation (The power to cause objects/organism to vanish and rematerialize at one's will)

Recommended usage: Find pictures of you and your in-laws together.  Crop each picture right in the middle of your in-laws' faces, with your face remaining intact.  Frame these pictures and display them all around the house whenever they come to visit.

5) Electroweb + Illusion Casting (The power to hack into numbers and/or security system + the power to infinitely change their own and others appearances to their liking)

Recommended usage: print "America's Most Wanted" flyers, replacing the photos with those of your in-laws. Distribute and post the flyers around the neighborhoods where your in-laws live.

6) Bioacoustic Distruption/Communication Jammer (The ability to distrupt other's speaking and hearing abilities)

Recommended usage: download the song "Shut Up" by the Black Eyed Peas.  You can either set it as your ringtone, or an alarm feature on your iPod/iPhone.  Prior to meeting your in-laws, make the necessary gadget adjustments.  What you want is for the ringer/alarm to go off whenever your in-law starts talking.  Quickly apologize to your in-law for the "ill-timed" interruption; privately, repeat every single time he/she starts talking.

7) Chromakinesis (The ability to manipulate colors--to change any color to another)

Recommended usage: Buy one of those milk chocolate-themed body lotions (e.g.

Bath & Body Works Temptations Wickedly Hot Chocolate Body Lotion).  Mix it well with a self-tanning lotion (the darker, the better).  Repackage it, then present it as a gift to your in-law.  Wait a few days for results to appear.

8) Amalgamation +Target Eye (The ability to blend into the surroundings by fusing with the surrounding materials + the ability to cause projectiles to home in at what you're seeing)

Recommended Usage: Print this: "Have You Slapped Your Kid Today?" or "I Hate Cops" on a bumper sticker, and stick it on your in-law's car's back bumper.  Stealth is of the utmost importance here.

I wish you the best of luck in your feat.  May the Force be with you.